


Best (worst) First Contact

by Demondogweed



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Homeworld is Horrible, Humor, Speciesism, Yellow is a general in the US army, alternative universe, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 05:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16804576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demondogweed/pseuds/Demondogweed
Summary: 23:00, a giant blue arm crashed onto the South and North Korean borders. As the site is investigated, a general decides to grab a mysterious diamond as a keepsake.She will regret this choice dreadfully.





	Best (worst) First Contact

**Author's Note:**

> Important to note, Blue is about 7'5'' in this fiction. Her gem also translates any language into gem for her, so she does not notice if someone is switching languages mid-sentence.

It was, by all intents and purposes, a diamond. Yes, it was the size of her palm, yes, it came from outer space. But she had compared it to the many (many) diamonds her family had catalogued, and it still came up a diamond.  
  
The fact that she had grabbed it from the ruins of a giant blue arm was the only reason she was even keeping it. It would be an easy sell, anyway. The Timantti family had been jewellers for generations. Even if -she- hadn't gone that route, her mother still had her sisters to follow in her footsteps.  
  
She leaned back in her bunk in frustration, she really shouldn't have taken the diamond. But it had been so strange, in the sea of rubble it was pristine and shone like it was freshly polished. It would have been wasted in a laboratory, being cut and who knows what. She wasn't much for aesthetics, but this diamond deserved its own case in a museum.  
  
She placed it in her night table, locking the thing to be extra sure.  
  
\----  
  
She woke up to wood and metal crashing and tearing. Her animal brain told her to stay still, her soldier brain told it to calm down. To listen and watch the shadows.  
  
To reach for her gun.  
  
"Ungh, well...that was unfortunate" someone Irish noted. She turned around then, flipping herself so she was facing the speaker with her gun drawn. Training told her to keep it low, but experience told her to be ready to aim and fire in an instant.  
  
It was a person shaped..thing. Even in the darkness, she could sense it was not human. She felt no breath, it made no small movements to tell it was alive. Another tip-off was that its eyes glowed faintly blue.  
"Stay.still" she hissed at the thing, scanning the area. She didn't dare to flick the lamp on (it was most likely on the floor anyway), not wanting to lose her night vision.  
  
"Oh...A native?" the thing said, sounding relieved.  
"Please don't point that....whatever it is, at me. It won't do anything" it continued. She gritted her teeth, keeping her arms steady.  
"What are you? Where did you come from? Why do you speak English? Why did you fuck up my desk!?" she asked, barely containing her rage. This was a first contact, or at least someone playing a very elaborate prank on her.  
  
Either way, heads would roll. Hopefully not hers for fucking this up so badly.  
  
The thing let out a bell-like laugh, moving closer to her. Its pupils were like diamonds, what the fuck.  
"I am a Diamond, one that is quite offended you stuffed me in that wooden box. It was unbecoming of me to form inside it" it stated. She couldn't help herself, looking between the splinters and the thing.  
  
What, the, fuck.  
  
"Look...Diamond or what the fuck you are, this is US soil. You don't get to make the rules here, on Earth" she snapped. The thing's amusement disappeared, its pupils contracting like on a cat. Its reply was more of a hiss than speech.  
"This planet belonged to Pink, not one of -you-."  
  
Pink? She almost laughed at that. Pink didn't own shit, let alone the freaking planet. She shook her head.  
"Oh I'm sorry, didn't see the memo. This is still an army base and I wouldn't recommend you start listing terms to a general. I don't want to shoot you, so let us calm down and talk like..uh...Diamonds?"  
  
The thing seemed to think for a bit, before nodding and suddenly creating light from its chest. From the diamond that was stuck there. Huh, so it wasn't lying.  
"Very well, I'll humour you. I am Blue Diamond, of the Diamond Authority of Homeworld. Owner of 9 colonies and one of the gem Matriarchs. Who are you?" it began, she rolled her eyes at the pompousness.  
"I'm Neilikka Timantti, call me Yellow. General of the US Army, stationed in South Korea. Not much else" Yellow said. Blue's amusement seemed to return as it chuckled once more.  
"How fitting. Do you organics often name yourself after your rulers?"  
"I dunno, do you guys not have a name for your own planet?"  
  
They stood there like that, the alien more amused than scared and the soldier trying to wreck her brain on how to proceed. She -could- just shoot it and call in the science team. But then she'd have to admit she stole something from a highly secretive wreckage. So that was out of the question.  
  
Maybe she could just ask Pink to hide her? Yes, that was it, the alien seemed to know Pink anyway so it was likely it could work. But, what if the thing was mindreading her?  
  
"Okay...Blue Diamond, I'm going to get you out of here. On one term" Yellow stated, lowering her gun. The thing didn't know what a gun was, so maybe it didn't realise how close it had been to a necklace.  
"I hardly think you can set terms here, but go ahead"  
"Don't bring Pink into this, she's just a kid"  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Operation 'smuggle a sentient piece of jewellery out of an army base' hit a snag on the outset. Yellow had planned on just putting Blue into a box and carrying it to Pink. There were no tags on it and no one would question why Yellow took a diamond out of the base.  
  
Apparently, this was unacceptable.  
  
"Come on, it will only be a while. I'll put airholes into the box if that helps?" Yellow tried to convince the blue alien (who was digging into her stuff like a curious cat.)  
"It isn't about -air-, I refuse to be discorporate my form to be put into a box on moral grounds. You don't put -humans- into boxes to transport them, do you?" it hissed at her, Yellow wanted to say something to the effect of 'we do, they are called cars' but she decided against starting an argument.  
  
"It would be the easiest way, I don't want people to question where'd you come from" She once more tried, Blue rolled its eyes.  
"That is not their concern, why should I demean myself to make them feel better?"  
  
"Because you aren't SHIT to them, you idiot! At best, you are a nice necklace to be had. At worst you are target practice. They don't -care- about your Authority, you are an invader here" Yellow snapped, she had a limited fuse on the best of days, but a dumb alien thing acting petulant had quickly surged to her topmost hated things in the world.  
"Do you think I am that weak? That I cannot defeat a couple of organics?" Blue asked, towering over Yellow with an expression of threat on its face. Yellow answered the glare with one of her own.  
"Yes, I do. I do not want to start a fight -here-, either. I'm just trying to...ugh... get you out with the least bit of struggle"  
"Why?"  
"Because I don't want to see a sentient being suffer, that includes pushy aliens made out of carbon and boron"  
  
Trying to argue with Blue wasn't getting her anywhere, the alien barely gave any notice to her gun or her knife. Maybe it -could- survive a shooting? Yellow didn't want to know, in all honesty.  
  
There was a knock on her door, startling the already tense soldier badly. But training took over where the mind was weak.  
"Yes?" she asked, voice level as ever.  
"Sir, your sister wants to see you"  
  
Oh fuck, Pink was -here-? Yellow's mind ran all ways to hide the very conspicuous alien that didn't result in a verbal argument.  
  
"Tell her to come in, the door is unlocked" she finally settled on. Positioning herself so Blue wasn't visible from the doorway was hard (and the alien looked at her with confusion), but Yellow managed to slice that pie decently.  
  
Pink opened the door with the flourish of a hurricane, prancing inside with a grin.  
"Close the door," Yellow said through gritted teeth, moving so the staring blue alien behind her would stay hidden.  
"Sheesh, thanks for the welcome committee, sis" Pink muttered as she closed the door.  
"You are technically in violation of multiple secrecy laws, Pink" Yellow snapped, suddenly lurching forward as Blue had decided to use her as an armrest.  
"PINK!?" it cried out and lunged forward, stopping as suddenly as it looked over Yellow's sister.  
  
Pink, for her part, looked less shocked than she had any right to be.  
"So, you got a kinky escort, sis? Is that why you crab walked there?" Pink asked, looking at Blue. Who seemed rather miffed.  
"That is not Pink, human. You lied to me!" it hissed as it stalked to Yellow, grabbing hold of her shirt.  
"That -is- Pink, it's my little sister"  
"Pink DIAMOND you miserable organic!  
  
"Err, hey, I am Pink 'diamond.' Ruusu 'Pink' Timantti, it's a nickname" Pink piped in, placing her hand on Blue's arm. The alien glared at her, Yellow swore she saw fangs poke out of its mouth.  
"You sully the name of my fellow diamond, do you? Do you have no shame?"  
"....Oh, so you got a sister called Pink, too?"  
  
Blue froze, quite literally as she had no need to breathe. Yellow pulled herself from the claws of the alien, ready to fight if it tried to lift her up again. Instead, Blue began to sniffle, before outright crying.  
"I....had, she was shattered here, on Earth" the alien spoke, wiping its eyes on its sleeve. Yellow breathe a sigh of relief.  
"That sucks, I'm sorry. Even if Yellow sucks, I'd be as sad if she died" Pink spoke, patting Blue on the back.  
"This is serendipity, to find someone so like Pink here. Called by her name by the locals, it can't be a coincidence"  
  
Sure it could, thought Yellow. It was just a nickname and diamonds wasn't that unusual of a last name for posh people. But she guessed the alien wasn't smart enough to realise that. Or didn't care.  
  
Whatever its reasoning was, Yellow dreaded what was to come.


End file.
